It took me a while to come up with my Valentines post. I see so many bloggers write about so many different things. The perfect thing to wear, the perfect thing to cook, the perfect places to go, and that made me think of the perfect couple. “Relationship goals” to be exact. Where did this come from? People use this phrase to describe people that have the perfect relationship, but I really don’t believe such a thing exists. So why are we aiming for it?
First and foremost this is definitely not the case for my boyfriend and I. We’re always taking the mess out of each other, never really seen by the outside world as being particularly romantic and social media barely knows we’re together. I must admit, at first I was sad we weren’t “Goals” but then I thought about it and no, that’s silly. I don’t want perfect, because right now we are perfectly happy – we’ve made our own relationship goals.
I think this pressure of perfection comes from looking at other people’s relationships – both in the media and at home. We think they look so happy, maybe it’s because they do certain things more than we do, or certain things less than we do. But that’s not necessarily the case.
Then there’s talking to other people about your relationship. You can’t really take other people’s opinions and expectations to heart, no matter how well intentioned they may be. They are looking from the sidelines, the only people who know the true in and outs are the people actually involved.
Communication, trust, humour, sex, staying faithful, these things are important yes, but what’s most important is the understanding that what other people do in their relationship has no bearing on your own. If there’s silence, that’s not a problem, so long as the silence is comfortable. If there’s bouts of conflict, that’s not a problem, so long as you can resolve it in the end.
My boyfriend and I don’t need to argue, connect or communicate like any other couple to have a successful relationship, and neither does anyone else. We don’t, and shouldn’t let cultural trends, friends or family dictate how and when we take certain steps. That’s for us to decide, and us alone.
This is not just the case with romantic relationships, but all relationships. Your family, your friends, even your pets – relationships are what YOU make them, no one else. Nobody has ever been perfect, so why would any two people together make that any different? I don’t think any of my relationships are perfect, even my dog runs away at the first sign of me singing to him – so no YouTube moment there – but I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.
So whether you’re celebrating Valentines Day, Galentines Day, or any other type of Love Day, get celebrating every bit of imperfect love you have. Don’t worry about whether it’s “Goals” or not, focus on what makes you guys happy. That in itself will be perfect.